Blind Date Dating Quiz

A girl working at the cafe today asked me, “Do you mind if I ask you a random question?”

At this point I know where this is headed, but I like this girl. She is very nice and she makes great food. So I take the bait.

“Sure.”

“Are you seeing anyone?,” she asks.

I could just out right lie to her. I really don’t want to get set up. At least most of me doesn’t. And yet a little part of me is curious. I am under the illusion that it might work out.

“Who do you have in mind?,” I respond.

She says, “my sister.”

In my long and spotty dating career, I have been set up with a sister, a co-worker, a friend, a daughter, a friend of a friend, an ex-girlfriend’s friend, two teachers, the single lady down the street, and a niece. I am sure I have forgotten some. I have forgotten some on purpose.

You can tell what your friend thinks about you by the type of person they set you up with. Mostly my well-intentioned friends have been way, way off. Not even in the ballpark. Most of these blind dates have been painful. A few uneventful. And one that actually was really good. Still, the average is bad.

To streamline the process, I have formulated my Blind Date Dating Quiz:

1. How much baggage do you have? Over 50 pounds? Can you pay the overage charge?

2. Do you have a temper? Do you own a handgun?

3. I will trade you my background check for yours.

4. I will trade you my psychological profile for yours.

5. Can you quote from at least one Monty Python movie?

6. John Lennon or Paul McCartney. Pick one.

7. Will you return my CDs if we date and break up? Can I get that in writing? Can I get a deposit?

8. Do you like pina coladas? Getting caught in the rain?

9. Do you like yourself? Do you get along with your dad?

10. Dog or cat? Pick one.

11. Do you see the value in a well-appointed man room?

12. Quirky is the new sexy. Do you agree?

After the girl takes the quiz, I am requesting a financial statement, a head shot, and a copy of her dental records. And they say I’m picky.